How can I help my husband forgive me?

My husband and I have been married for 5yr. and together for 6yr. We had a past history of dating for 2yrs in high school where I promptly broke up with him at 16 because he wanted to marry me and I wanted to have fun. 10 yrs down the road with next to no contact what-so-ever we found each other again. He was in college and I was leaving a bad relationship where I ended up having a son. This said son was 2 when my husband and I got back together. We have had a daughter together who is 3, now which makes my son 9. 6yr years have gone by now and my husband is completely worthless because he refuses to be the "head of the household" because he cannot forgive me for being with another man and having his baby, even though we weren't even together! He refuses to try to take care of us financially, he refuses to be involved with anything to do with my son, he refuses to be attentive to me (answer questions directed at him, give random hugs or kisses) in so many words, he's a room mate renting space in my life. I'm already making plans to separate and move out in a month, but is there no help for us? He was suppose to be my white knight to rescue me and make my life better, not worse. God couldn't have given him an easier child to love. My son is like a God-send among children, he never talks back, he never yells, he's a very mellow kid, but he's starting to have issues in school because I don't think he's getting the love from the father figure he needs. My love only goes so far as mother's love, children need their father figures, and now even my daughter is about to lose hers. I feel so helpless, I've tried counseling, I've tried church counseling, I've tried family intervention. I'm just resolved that he doesn't love me enough to want to do everything to make me happy like I do for him.